why I wish I were 2

So, here is a true, I mean "hypothetical" story as to why I wish I were 2.

I needed to go to the store today. We were out of milk and a few other essentials and I like to shop when Drew isn't home so that I can take advantage of the few times that he is home. Since I know that I have 2 kids, I decided to go prepared. I waited until T-ray had a nap, and I took a giraffe toy that I got at the dollar spot at Target to bribe Brook. We got to the store, and I put the kids in the only double cart I could find. As we walked in the store, T-ray started kicked Brooke. She of course began to scream, which made T-ray scream back. I tried my calm, sweet mother voice, which might as well have been the flapping of butterfly wings cause the kids did not hear it. So I resorted to covering T-rays mouth and threatening to take away Brook's giraffe. This stopped the fighting for about 30 seconds. So I let Brook out of the cart to walk beside me. Which of course she did not. Now, if anyone has ever shopped at Safeway around 2pm you would know that this is when all of the older generation like to shop. We were going down the cereal isle and there were 2 such older women shopping in front of us. Brook thought it would be hilarious to scream as she ran past them. One of the ladies grabbed her chest as if Brook's scare had given her a heart attack and the other looked at me and said, "my word!" I of course apologized as I ran past them to catch Brook. Giraffe got taken away and the scream began again. I should have just quit and left, but I didn't want to come back. A few scenes later we were ready to check out and there were 2 cashiers and about 8 people to check out. I got in line with T-ray screaming, thinking this would deter others from coming behind me. It didn't. A few minutes later, "oh my" and heart attack lady came and stood behind me. I was trying to load the stuff from the cart onto the conveyor belt while also grabbing the power bars out of T-rays hand, which are so awesomely placed at child seat level. Brook meanwhile is asking me about every candy on the candy rack and why she can't have one so giraffe came back. I got to the front of the line and the cashier was young, but sweet. She kept stopping to try and get T-ray from crying. I realize she was trying to help, but I just wanted her to be as quick as possible. Meanwhile, the grouchy twins were doing their best at gawking and sighing and making me feel really really stupid. Normally I wouldn't let stuff bother me, but I happen to be a little sensitive right now. The checker then asked how old T is, and then how old Brook is, and she followed my response with, "wow, one right after another huh. Well, at least this way you got done quick." Reasonable Shayna knows that she didn't mean anything by it, but hormonal Shayna thought, "you're right, what was I thinking! and she doesn't even know that I am doing it again" as the tears start to well up in my eyes. I get my receipt and start heading out as the checker asks grouchy how she is and she responds, "well my ears hurt, but I'm fine." I got the kids in the car, the groceries in the car, myself in the car and then started to bawl. Full out, wailing bawling (side note:I am fine). Now comes the part of the story as to why I wish I were 2. Brook says to me, "mom, what happened?" and she is dead serious. She has zero idea what happened. All she knows is that we went to the store, got some food, mom cried, and we came home. What a life!